pantsfarm

I can’t decide about this Summer.

How do I decide now if I want to take a month off from my job to go to Switzerland and be a camp counselor for children (well, 9-14 years old)?

I think “of course I should go, the last time I went to be a counselor I had an incredible time”.

But last time was different. Last time, I had no job I might end up leaving to go. Last time, the travel cost was pretty trivial. Last time, I didn’t have anything else I could or even really wanted to be doing instead with that time.

If I left from Beijing for a month, what would I do about wherever I’m living then (current lease ends in May, which is another thing to worry about)? Can I afford to not get paid and travel to an expensive place for 4.5 weeks (yes, I think)? How can I do that and visit the US which I also very extremely much want to do this Summer? What are the implications for my job if I take off for that time?

Will I even want to return to Beijing if I leave for that long? I fear the answer will end up being no, and what then?

Do I really want to take on a younger-kids camp this time around? What do other counselors do? Or is this camp staffed almost entirely by people who can more easily drop everything and leave for a month in the Summer? Why can’t I let everything go and do that myself? Am I being prudent and responsible if I choose not to go, or am I just giving in to some vague sense of fear about going?

I’m supposed to have made this decision already but I asked for more time to figure it out and got it. I still can’t make up my mind.