pantsfarm

I’ve basically been at this for about 24 hours or so. I’ll be starting on the second night about now, so what I say should obviously be considered in this light. I don’t have the slightest idea what I’m getting into.

That said, I feel like it’s getting a bit harder. I have to be more… resolved to get up once I turn off my alarms. After I get up from a nap, I’ve been feeling pretty good, considering how much I’ve slept over the last few days. However, after an hour or two, I sort of progress rapidly into being really… slow. I mean it really does seem from my point of view much like getting way too little sleep one night, and then having that finally catch up to me, except it’s happening every four hours instead of every 24 now.

I don’t know, right now I feel like even at my best, I’m only working at maybe 2/3 of capacity. I’m not as quick in conversation, I feel sluggish, and I couldn’t even pull off an e-turn in mario kart 64 earlier, which was at one point practically second nature. Just then I had to look up the phrase “second nature” because I couldn’t convince myself I was going to use it correctly. This kind of second guessing is not typical of me, at least not at this sort of slow and deliberate level.

Another thing that’s only just hitting me is how with this schedule, things that normally govern the flow of my day, like eating or just the simple passage of time, are totally off. I get hungry at all sorts of times of the day, and since yesterday I didn’t even have things to snack on, I just had these periods of wakefulness where I didn’t eat anything, and it was… confusing, for lack of a better word. Also with all this sleeping and waking throughout the day, light/dark cycles seem like they stand to lose meaning. I’m not really sure what else would follow from that, but it seems notable to me now. If I recall the term correctly, my zeitgebers are all fucked up. The only thing that is really pretty constant for me is one alarm going off to tell me that I’m supposed to be in a place I can sleep in 10 minutes. Everything else I’m just playing by ear right now. At some point though, when I’m more comfortable and settled, I think I’ll make an effort and ritualizing when I take showers or do other things that I might want to associate with a particular time of day.